Why the Mountain Works for an Addict like Me?
They say God is best found alone. I think God is best found with my Dog and in nature. And arguably with some good friends. Hiking truly is a great way to spend a Sunday. Sunday is traditionally a very difficult day for me. I miss my family on a Sunday. I miss my son and I miss my daughter. Right now I am not well enough to be with them, and I have to be realistic.
Why is Sunday a hard day for me?
Sunday was the day my family of origin would go to church, then come home to the family dinner table, have Sunday roast, I would be emotionally destroyed by my brothers, and we would all get pissed, drinking the lovely wine my father stored under the stairs.
My mother would rarely drink, she would rarely speak, and she would always prepare the most amazing food. And I would normally be crying, especially during my early days, by my teenage years I was throwing tantrums, breaking things, and walking out. This was my way.
What did I learn as I grew up in my family of origin?
As I grew up I learned many destructive ways to keep myself safe from the emotional and physical abuse I found in my family of origin. I started sniffing glue by the age of 7. I was having sex by the age of 13. I fell in love with 14. I was on a rock n roll existence by the age of 16. I did not manage to concentrate at school. I am the black sheep of the family from the very start and they dumped their negative damming energy into me, and I soaked it up. The black sheep became the focus of my life and I am still trying to find a way out of the preconditioned thinking.
My emotional instability was totally clear by the time I hit 21. I was at university however, I found engaging with other students almost impossible. I was beaten on the day my mother and father drove to the University to celebrate my graduation. I have a photo of my father. One day I have to burn that photo. I hate him in that photo. His expression says it all. He was embarrassed by me. He hated me. And I fucking hated him, the cunt.
Before the old bastard died he apologized for not spending any time with me. Every boy needs a father. I had an NPD brother who dominated me. I am yet to stand out of his shadow.
Why I no longer have contact with my family origin?
So I no longer engage with my family of origin. To deal with my loneliness I started walking, then running in nature. I love going with my dog. I love running up and down mountains. Some mountains I know well and some I am still learning about. The great thing is that there is always a new mountain to conquer. I have some good equipment and the most important thing not to forget is water. Lots of it. Too much water is better than not enough water.
One great walk is as follows. Starting at 5 am. We meet on a full moon with a clear sky. And then we start hiking. The moonlight and the stars lead the way up the path. I know the path well so we never get lost. And If I did find myself lost my dog would always help me. By the time we reach the peak of the mountain the sun starts to rise. If you believe in God then this is where you get to meet him one on one. When the sun rises we come down the mountain passing everyone who has only just started their day. It is fucking magical.